As “The Fear Whisperer,” people often ask me to share tips and tools about how to overcome fear and get out of their own damn way. There’s a ton of resources out there that speak to HOW to do that. But what I’ve found is that HOW isn’t really the issue. So if that’s what you’re focusing on, you’re missing a key ingredient.
That key ingredient is…self-trust.
Do you trust yourself?
It’s a seemingly simple question, but upon further examination has so many layers to it. Let me get you started by asking some more questions.
• Do you spend your time and energy running away from things that are scary and painful more than running toward things that light you up?
• Do you get excited about something only to question it later on?
• Do you take a long time to make decisions, weighing every little pro or con – or even AVOID making decisions?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, I’d say you might have some issues trusting yourself.
As I study more and work more with people on moving through their fear, I realize that trusting oneself is absolutely key. But really, how many of us even know what that truly means?
We know about trusting others, when trust is broken, and ways to earn trust back, but the underlying assumption here is that trust is outside of us. It is bestowed upon others or earned. And that we are somehow separate from it.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
We’ve all had experiences that shake our trust in others. Most of us have been lied to, taken for granted, or passed over for opportunities. With those experiences, we have learned how to distrust others.
But the unfortunate byproduct of not trusting others is that we somehow throw ourselves in that mix. Our brains might jump to the conclusions that if people close to us are not trustworthy, then by default, we are untrustworthy as well.
Just as we learned along the way to not trust, there is a way to re-learn how to trust again. Here are some tips:
• Be consistent. Do what you say you’re going to do. Do you make promises to yourself to start that diet on Monday or get to bed by 10PM? If you make a promise to yourself, KEEP IT. If you don’t think you can keep it, don’t make it.
• Be honest with yourself. Look at any areas of your life you’re not thrilled with and admit what’s not working. Take the next step by figuring out what YOU can do to improve it…then go out and do it.
• Be accepting. Accept yourself as you are. This means saying nice things to yourself and being your own cheerleader.
• Be forgiving. Forgive yourself for the decisions and choices you have made that didn’t turn out as you had hoped. There’s always time to regroup and make a different choice. But if you hold onto any anger or resentment about it, it’s going to be difficult to find peace along any path.
When we can learn to trust ourselves, knowing that we can be consistent, truthful, accepting, and forgiving, we can know that we have the power to choose what we will and won’t allow in our lives. It won’t matter as much what other people do, because we will trust ourselves to make the best decisions possible.
Interested in learning more about how to get out of your own damn way? Take the free quiz, “How Are You At Getting Out of Your Own Damn Way,” for more great tips and tools at http://www.krylyn.com/quiz.
Krylyn Peters, “The Fear Whisperer,” is an author, speaker, coach, and singer/songwriter. Krylyn motivates, inspires, and entertains – always leaving people empowered with the practical and proven tools they need to help them tame their fears and get out of their own damn way so they can step into their greatness. Find out more at www.krylyn.com.